I grew up in a broken home, where there was physical and emotional abuse.  I will never forget the day my father left us.  I was 7 years old.  I felt abandoned by him and carried a lot of resentment in my heart.  I felt I wasn’t good enough as a son and this made me feel guilty and ashamed. I told myself I never wanted to see my dad again.  This was the start of having hate in my heart.


Looking for acceptance and a sense of belonging, I began searching in all the wrong places.

I gravitated toward those in my year group who were going to parties and experimenting with drugs.  I began smoking cigarettes and marijuana just to fit in.  At 16, I started to go to rave parties and began experimenting with LSD, ecstasy and then I started injecting speed.  That was the beginning of many years of drug addiction. Drugs were an outside expression of covering up what was going on inside.  I was trying to mask my brokenness.  I always thought I was above the law and that my wrong choices would never have an impact me.


At the age of 25 I went to prison.  I began to lose hope and thought that there was no other way to live than on drugs.  I soon became addicted to heroin. Heroin gave me a false sense of comfort.  For the next 15 years, I tried to quit heroin – detox, rehabilitation, clinics, but nothing ever worked.  Eventually I ended up on methadone,  this made my problems worse.


I felt trapped and isolated and believed the lie that I was going to be a heroin addict for the rest of my life.  I tried to make drug addiction work in my life and was a functioning drug addict living the biggest lie.


In 2013, despite trying to keep it all together and making sure that everything looked good on the outside, I was falling apart on the inside.  I heard a still small voice, which I now know to be the voice of God speak to me and say, “These are not the plans that I have for you my son, I’m asking you to leave everything behind and follow me and walk with me by faith.”   I found myself in a church and said a heartfelt prayer.  I confessed my sins and I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life.  For the first time in 20 years, I knew that I had found freedom and forgiveness.  I was not only able to forgive myself, but to forgive others who had hurt me.  I found a new purpose and new sense of belonging in my church.


My life is in a whole different direction.  I have completed the Shalom Program for men, I am in Bible College, I mentor broken men and I volunteer in my church.   The best thing of all, is that my relationship with my Dad is now restored and I enjoy spending a lot of time with him.  My one prayer since I was a young boy was to bring my Dad back, and that prayer has been answered.


I now know what it means when the Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.





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